There have been seasons of my life where, though surrounded by people, I have felt very alone in the world. Ironically, though I presently dwell in a stage of life where I “don’t get out much” I find myself loved and surrounded by a veritable host of loving companions. Where did this wealth of relationship spring from? I am so thankful for God’s faithful provision to provide heart-friends for the journey.
I want to thank each of you dear friends who have sent encouragement our way, and prayers God’s way. It was determined that Auden had a febrile seizure, which Ben also had a number of times when he was a little baby. Very little is known about these, as far as I understand, but they always require immediate, emergency response as it’s always possible that something could go wrong quickly, though Ben is evidence (to me!) that one can turn out amazingly in spite of them.
Auden is still pretty exhausted and irritable and has been clinging to me a lot since Monday. He’s developing a little rash on his belly, so I’d appreciate your continued prayers on our behalf.
This morning I read some verses in Matthew 18 that had me pondering children and God and me. These are the words of Jesus:
“I tell you the truth, unless you turn from your sins and become like little children, you will never get into the Kingdom of Heaven. So anyone who becomes as humble as this little child is the greatest in the Kingdom of Heaven.”
These days, with Auden hovering at my heels, or clinging to my shoulder, I am reminded what the trust of a child is like. Today, he wants nothing apart from me. Auden’s not thinking of ways to get me to like him more, or feats he can accomplish to impress me, or rules he can follow to appease me, or sacrifices he can make to show his love; he is simply clinging to me. Me, an imperfect parent at that, and yet I delight in providing for his every need. How I love his trust, his unabashed need for me.
In the book of Matthew, Jesus makes it clear that unless we approach God with the faith and trust of a child, we will never know the Kingdom of Heaven. The Kingdom of Heaven is not about law and works and being perfect, but about clinging to grace in faith. The absolute joy of this surrender drives me to read God’s word and obey it, so though I don’t live under the law, it becomes my pleasure to embrace it.
I am increasingly finding that, even through situations of human stress, I am peacefully removed from the fear and anxiety that often accompanies such situations. This is a new thing for me, but I believe it is due in part to a growing hunger for God and a desire to obey Him that supersedes even my own human comfort.
This is radical stuff and I’m just beginning to taste it, so I baste all these thoughts in the utter humility of one who is just learning to cling.
But, as I watch my little boy – feel the skin of his cheeks under my lips, the soft pads of his hands brush across my arms, and breathe in the scent of his sweet babyness – I am humbled to know that I can be a part of all this, that I can somehow participate in the grand script of life, and work out letter by letter my own verse, surrendered in trust to a God who is bigger than all my fears.
God, make me like Auden.